The balance between feedback and motivation of others

As a leader it is often our job to give people feedback.  How do we go about this in a way that has integrity to the issues but also informs the person without blowing them out of the water or de-motivating them?

 

I know for myself I can often be too direct, too insightful, and too encountering.  This style often does not help the person see his/her issue because they either go into defense mode or turn off.  It becomes too easy for the person to focus on me instead of his/her issue.

 

Giving feedback is not easy.   How can we balance not being too soft or too hard in giving feedback to someone? How can I give more feedback as a leader to people if I am not taking responsibility to be honest and direct with them because often no one else is? What can I do to create insurance in my feedback process?

 

Tips and tools:

 

It is important to first note the goals of your feedback.  It will help you determine where to go and the mutual feelings that can result.  Your ultimate goal is to help the individual be more successful in his/her role.  Keep that in mind.  We don’t want our own egos to get in the way. 

 

You also want to avoid leaving the person feeling wounded or vulnerable or defensive.  Validation is the key.  Present the feedback in a way so the participant can validate it.  That way, they are admitting to the issue and not you accusing them of having it.  For example, if the person is struggling with relationships in their team, ask “Do you find that people tend to apologize when they approach you or seem on edge in your presence?”  Have a discussion around their insights about their interactions with their team before you begin with what they need to fix. 

 

Last, be mindful of who you are talking to.  Each individual will require a customized approach.  There is no need to sugarcoat your feedback; however, some need more assurance of their strengths before their developmental opportunities than others.

Comments

[Renee Safrata]

I agree 'do not sugar-coat your feedback'. I do not understand why leaders are interested in 'being nice vs. being respected.
Feedback is the best way for us to develop our emotional intelligence in the workplace.
Practice makes progress!

[Xtasy]

I agree, it is pretty tricky to give constructive feedback and be encouraging at the same time.