In coaching leaders, I'm often reminded that the issues and concerns that bother us most about others are exactly the same ones we need to work on ourselves - yet we often need coaching to see this clearly. There's an old saying that when we point the finger of criticism at someone else, there are three pointing back at us. My goal is to help leaders focus on the three fingers pointing to their own developmental opportunities.
Go Ahead, Point!
One of the coaching exercises I use is to start by allowing clients to point the finger at someone whose behavior is energizing them/driving them crazy, irritating them. I give them permission to take the other person's inventory, describing and analyzing the other person's problems and issues, describing exactly what about the other person's behavior has gotten them so energized. - people often find the first part of this exercise very enjoyable.
Then comes the hard part - I ask them to list each factor they were energized by with others and see how it may relate to their own behavior or attitudes. Harder? Yes, but much more promising. Because we can change ourselves.
This process helps us unlock subconscious defenses standing in our way as well as preparing ourselves for more focused development. I can always determine where leaders are in their development (how far along in growth) by how willingly and honestly they take their own inventory and focus on the three fingers pointing back to them.
This is when having a support system and the accountability from a coach or mentor helps!Do I have the courage and honesty to look at the three fingers pointing back at me, and change myself?
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