Professional Management and Leadership Development blog

Dealing with the Complaining Co-Worker

We have a team development format, Team Ups, that we use at Leadership Tools, and I'd like to share some of the issues participants raise during these group sessions with peers in this and upcoming blogs. 

This past week one participant presented the following concern:

How do I deal with one of my co-workers who complains about the same problems over and over?

We've all had to deal with the complaining co-worker or employee who seems to be stuck in the victim role - unwilling or unable to move from complaining to self responsibility.  We start out listening, showing compassion, giving great suggestions, but when nothing seems to change with this person, we begin to feel held hostage by their complaining at the "water cooler."

How do you support this person without enabling them or letting them suck your energy?  It's tempting when we're dealing with this issue to take a nap - however, during our Team-Up session we stayed awake and this is what the team suggested:

1. Tell the person how you feel - "I want to have a relationship with you, but I'm not sure how to deal with your complaining.
2. Accept that this person may not change and move on. 
3. Examine your own issues around fixing others versus working on yourself - are you focusing too much on the other person's problem?  Are you getting worn out because you think you can or should solve their problem?  Be honest with yourself.  Are you working harder than the other person to solve the problem?  If you're angry with this person, you're probably "hooked" into thinking you should be able to solve their problem.  If so, let go.
4. You can offer support, understanding, or encouragement, and then disengage.

All of us have complained and been overwhelmed at different times in our lives.  As leaders, it's our job to allow folks to take personal responsibility, and to model taking responsibility for our own attitudes.

Frank

The Age of Event Based Training is Over

In my recent years as a consultant, it's become more and more evident that getting on an airplane, bringing people together in a high-profile, event-based manner is no longer the most effective way to approach professional management and leadership development.

To be perfectly honest, this awareness created a certain level of ambivalence for me.  On the one hand, I was attracted to the psychic income provided by the group atmosphere with the dynamic energy and excitement that are generated by working face to face with successful managers and leaders who are hungry to learn.  What I've come to recognize and accept is that long-term effective results are NOT generated from my jokes, my charismatic delivery and top consulting expertise.  Effective results thrive in a more cost-effective, individualized, team-based, supportive approach that doesn't require the authority of the out-of-town "expert" consultant. 

I'm not suggesting there's no longer a place for the presentation, retreat, or big training event.  What I am saying is that simple, sustainable, ongoing development is best achieved through progressive strategies introduced by technology and Internet interfacing.

Finding ways to redefine our roles - and our own needs - as presenters, human resource professionals, and consultants is critical in order to advance the development of leaders overall.  Facing these changes has required a fundamental reorganization of how I get my needs met professionally.  This has opened the door for me to a new paradigm of leadership development that's having a tremendous impact on my development as a leader, as well as my clients.

What we hear from clients regarding our integration of the new paradigm are things like: how effective a more subtle warm-up to development is; how effectively each step prepares you for the next; how satisfying it is to have the opportunity to establish peer-based relationships on a deeper level - and how remarkably and unexpectedly rewarding that can be.

Based on my extensive field experience, research in the customer laboratory - and bruised knees - I hope you will download a copy of my New Rules for Leadership Development, and let me know what you think.

Frank

Introducing My E-Book, "The New Rules of Leadership Development"

I'm thrilled to announce the launch of my new E-Book, The New Rules of Leadership Development, and I invite you to download a free copy today. Based on my extensive experience in leadership development practices, I share why the old rules no longer apply to 21st century leadership development, and I present the "New Rules" to guide us as leaders today and tomorrow.  I hope The New Rules of Leadership Development will inspire, inform and excite you to take your leadership practices into this powerful new paradigm. 

Let Me Know What You Think!

Please take a look at my E-Book and share your opinions, insights and comments with me - I'm really eager to hear from you and have a dialogue about leadership development practices and tools in the 21st century.

We all can be better leaders for ourselves, our businesses, our communities, and our families.  Thank you in advance for sharing your leadership challenges and insights, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Frank