Professional Management and Leadership Development blog

Return to Optimism

Been sick lately?  I have.  Being sick makes me blue.  I'm a naturally energetic, enthusiastic, and optimistic person.  But when I'm sick I'm suddenly irritable and negative - emotions that when I'm feeling well I can overcome easily with self-talk and other strategies.

This virus wasn't bad enough to force me to bed, just bad enough to sap my physcial and emotional energy.  Recognizing the difference between being sick and being depressed is important to me.  Knowing my mood was related to the virus helped me realize that no matter how blue I felt, this too shall pass.

And, yesterday, thankfully, it did.  For the first time in about two weeks I felt a return to my optimism, my sense of unlmited possibilities, my spirit of hope.  No circumstances in my business or life had changed - but my mood had.  In a meeting, I was back to getting laughs - my playfulness had returned.  What a relief - for everybody!

Searching around for inspiration, I found the Zen Habits blog, and this link to 7 ways to pick yourself up - and it's got great ideas for someone like me who isn't willing to stay down for long and is willing to try anything (legal and healthy) to pick myself back up when I'm blue.  Check it out.

Frank

How do you Take a Guerilla to a Tea Party?

In my role as a professional leader I'm always dealing with the challenge of calibrating my "HI-D" dominance, urgency, and hyper-drive to push forward with change and accomplishment against the pressure from others to be patient for results.  It's tough.  My natural behavioral intensity sends my entrepreneurial vision into super drive, leading to a constant state of feeling as if everyone I work with is going way too slow for my satisfaction. 

One of my mentors, John "Clipper" Cleaver, (founder of the Cleaver Company) gave  me some feedback soon after I joined his team:  "People need to seek relief from your presence."

Okay, I admit, maybe it was a little hard to hear.  But Clipper was spot on - I could see it right away - this had been my experience through life - in school and social groups, and then in business.  He nailed a feeling I'd always had of being a guerilla at a tea party! Through his coaching, Clipper helped me understand for the first time the assets, along with the liabilities, of my natural behavior, my "HI-D." 

The challenge for me is, and has always been, what do I do with that awareness?

How do you take a guerilla to a tea party?

If I act from my native tendencies, I tend to scare others.  If I modify my intensity does that mean I'm coming from a place of artifice?

Today, what I have to remember about behaving at the tea party is:

Food, Fitness, and Friendship - To take care of myself with a healthy, balanced lifestyle on a daily basis so I have the energy to modify my behavior when I need too;

Spotters - Have trusted people available to give me cues to help me see the signals others are giving that I'm missing;

Talent - To surround myself with bright, strong talented people who aren't intimidated or demotivatied by my style and intelligence.

Frank

What am I Telling Myself?

The right self-talk helps leaders move through change.   What are you telling yourself?  Today, make a conscious effort to listen to the voice that's making noise inside your head. 

As you grow as a leader running your self-talk by trusted personal advisors can help you weed out these blocks to growth -

self righteous indignation

self-justification

accountability avoidance

When I analyze my self-talk I gain clarity into my motives and leadership development opportunities.  Just recently I told my self that someone I was working with had a "bad attitude."  Now, it's not important whether they did or not, the point is, if I tell myself someone has a bad attitude I will naturally treat that person and see their actions in a negative frame, thus proving my point to myself.   My brain will look for things to reinforce this.  I needed to step back, reflect on my own attitude, measuring it against my goals for this relationship, and reframe my self-talk.  Again, this opportunity for change was on my side of the street, not his.  And you know what?  It worked.  When I changed my attitude, re-framed my self-talk, I closed the distance my self-talk had created between us.

Ask yourself. . .

Do I run my thinking by others for the B.S. factor in it?

Can I analyze what I tell myself and how well it's working for me to meet my goals for the relationship?

Can I open my mind to see how my thinking is negatively effecting my actions?

To read more about self-talk and leadership development, here's a great article:

Self-leadership: a process for entrepreneurial success Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies

Leaders Seek Support for Success

It takes support from others who have our best interests at heart to change.  It is not easy to take on develomental issues and face them.  I meet many people who avoid looking in the mirror on an issue, dynamic, or relationship that's not working.  This avoidance is fueled by defensiveness and self-righteous justification.  ("You're the one with the problem, not me.")

It take courage to open up and face the real issues, to be honest with yourself or someone else, to look into your heart and disclose an issue that hurts or is confusing.  Do you have a support system of folks who will give you the feedback need?  Without the right supportive people in your life you won't open up. 

This is a great article by Brian McClellan on How to Build a Strong Support System for Success in which he outlines essential steps, including:

1. Stock your support system with unconditional love.
2. Stock your support system with tough love.
3. Remove "haters" from your support system.
4. Remove the competition from your support system.
5. Remove enablers from your support system.
6. Be your own best friend.

What one or two simples steps can you take to establish a more successful support system?

Are you waiting for pain to commit to change?

Why does the main motivating factor in committing to change have to be pain?  Why is it that  until I'm really uncomfortable I don't commit to change?   This is a widespread negative self-destructive tendency. What if we could change before pain?  What does it take to let go sooner?  How can I identify when something about my leadership behavior isn't working?

Leaders must challenge themselves to confront their own resistance to change.

A leader must have strategies for practicing self-awareness. 

I meditate for self-awareness because meditation makes me acutely sensitive to minor aches, and this awareness brings insight.  I slow down, listen to my inner wisdom, and get honest.   When I'm paying attention to my thoughts and feelings, when I'm tuned in, I can spot the pain of a destructive leadership pattern early on, when it's only a mild ache.  Then I've got a shot at dealing effectively with what I need to change before the ache becomes a throbbing pain. 

The art of leadership is knowing  when to push or when to let go.  There are times when as a leader I need to keep on course even though everyone wants to stop and go back the "safety zone" of familiarity -  with a project, product or customer.  There are also those times when I need to get honest and change course realizing it isn't working and change of action is needed.  Practicing self-awareness, and the discipline of being willing to confront my resistance and  commit to change before pain helps me make these significant differentiations.

Leading Teams through Resistance to Change

You're a leader - you're ahead of the pack with an idea, a solution, or strategy for organizational success.  You're eager as hell to make it happen.  Great!  Now, how to get everyone on the team ready for change and commitment to the new strategy or solutions? 

Leading others toward buy-in is usually more difficult then coming up with the solution. 

How do we move a group who is stuck or unwilling to change?

For Myself. . .

I accept change quickly.  My natural behavior is solution oriented and I'm comfortable in antagonistic environments,  so I usually burn through my own resistance rapidly. In fact, lack of change bores the hell out of me!

Each of us warms up to change differently, based on behavior, values, and life experience.  Dealing with other people's resistance to change is challenging.

My leadership challenge is to help people adapt to change in a way that has integrity with their behavior and values.  The pace of other's change is rarely fast enough for me.  I want to bull-doze their resistance!  But when I push, sell, or intervene too intensely most of the team gets more cemented, less flexible, and less motivated for forward movement into the unknown. 

How do we, as leaders, honor resistance in the warm-up process to change?  This is a topic I will explore with you in the coming days and weeks.  For today:

Ask Yourself. . .

How am I dealing with team resistance?

Is it working?

How can I help the team shift in a way that honors the core values of the individual and company?